Dad: Take my damn hat off your big ass head, before you stretch it out.
Me: No, it’s my hat now.
Dad: Take it off, it doesn’t even fit on your head right.
Me: That’s because I need to pull it down.
Dad: Don’t, you’ll mess it up then I’m going to have to kick your ass.  Plus I have no idea where your head has been.
Me: What?  Yeah Like I just run around sticking my head in random things.
Dad: Yeah you do, you are sick.  Probably had your head in someone’s ass.
Me: Ha ha ha, very funny. 
Dad: Leave me alone Ron, and take my damn hat off.
Me: No.
Dad: Damn it.  Leave me alone before I punch you in the heart and make you shit on yourself. 
Me: Wow, I’m pretty sure that’s murder.